Americans not classy enough to have princesses

Americans simply don't have a chance of becoming a princess. Illustration by Ama Ansah.

My friends and I watched Tangled last week. French Club movie night was Ever After. Every store I go into has prom dresses everywhere. The cheap magazines at the check out counter shout headlines about the Royal Wedding. So naturally,  I’ve been thinking about princesses lately.Ah, Princess: the occupation every little girl—and some not so little ones—dream of.  Honestly, what is there not to love about being a princess?  The title! The fame! The red carpet events! The stylish clothes! The being married into a family with an amazing history! It may seem superficial, but so what? It’s a fun thing to aspire to.

There aren’t many monarchies left; job openings are few and far between. Princess is just as much a coveted position as ever.

Unfortunately for us, American girls don’t really become princesses, Grace Kelly notwithstanding. Americans aren’t classy enough. We aren’t sophisticated enough. We haven’t lived in a country with royalty, we wouldn’t know how to handle it. Or so is the general consensus. There’s no chance for us. Not with all the rich European girls at the nice finishing schools in the Alps.

It’s a lot harder for Americans to become royals. We aren’t there going to prep school with young duchesses, our Oxford alumni private tutors aren’t introducing us to cousins of the queen, and we aren’t being photographed by tabloids while at exclusive charity galas.

We become heiresses, which still has all the clothes, money and some of the fame. But there’s no title, no rich and interesting history and no chance of becoming queen.

I guess I’ll just have to settle for a regular old millionaire.